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It is official shit on Sway week. My mom is pissed because I spent most of the weekend out of the house, even though she said I could every time I asked her. One of my favorite professors went on a 15 minute rant on how the education students (aka me) were useless idiots who were taking the easy way out in getting a degree. Then I couldn't turn in a 40 point assignment because my printer wouldn't work. when i went to fix it, it decided to break down to the point where I can't even get Windows to open, and I don't have a boot disk. Thus, I can't fix it until the weekend, and it has my assignment on it. Oh, and this is just what happened today. I gave up around 4pm and just went to bed, there was no point in even trying anymore. I'm trying to please everyone. I'm trying to give my mom the attention and time she wants while trying to have my own life. Just about the only thing that seems to be going right in my life right now is that i got a B on my third psych exam, and Mike and I are doing great. He makes me see things from different perspectives and has really brought me into his life and I've gotten to know his family. I haven't done anything self injuring or even really had a down day since I met him. In a way, he's saved me from myself. I just wish that everthing could go right at once, and that my mom and I were getting along again.

I've been bored out of my mind today. Just biding my time until Mike picks me up early tomorrow, like around 6 am. He doesn't want to go to bed after work, so he's going to wake me up early. He's getting Friday off as a paid holiday, and says he loves that his company is paying him $14 an hour to spend time with me. There's really nothing for me to do right now, I'm so far ahead on my assignments. I could always read one of my history textbooks, but I'm not quite that masochistic. I also started to use that tanning lotion stuff, because you are not supposed to be able to see the veins on a girl's arms and legs. So either I have lower body fat than I thought, or I am beyond white. And now I am just rambling, because my roomate has a friend over and I really don't want to be seen as doing nothing but watching Big Daddy and eating chips. Wait, I am doing nothing but watching Big Daddy and eating chips. Such an exciting life I lead.

It's just one of those days where I need some tea and time to myself. Went to english class, got a paper back. A+. I never show up, but he continues to give me A's on half assed assignments. Some sort of challenge in this class would be nice. Then I got to Civilization, and found out that I, along with over half of my class (the bastard t.a. read out the statistics) had miserably failed the exam. I'm sorry, but it makes you wonder that in a class of 50 students, that only 4 managed to get an A, and only 3 got a B. Somehow it makes me think it's not the students who are to blame for this one. Then I came back to the dorm and worked on my Excel spreadsheets for educational technology, and I got those done (well, and two days before they are due) after a bitch of a fight with the formatting so it would transfer to the web. I swear, college is sucking the spirit right out of me. Other than that, not much. Just missing home, Mike, and looking forward to the leftover lasagna that mom made this week.

You know what sucks about college? You have to have caffeine to stay awake to study, but then you get so energetic that you can't concentrate. I have a huge test in psychology and a 9 page Excel workbook both due on Thursday. B.F. Skinner and OGT score analysis. Oh yes, college is not what it's cracked up to be.

Excel and my tech professor can kiss my ass. Why does he have to make everything so damn complicated and make us use 5 different fucking instruction sheets for one project. He makes it so damn convoluted.

After reading through some random journals, I have decided to stick with education as my career, if only for the fact that our school systems are clearly failing our children. Look at the terrible spelling and lack of grammatical skills clearly displayed by so many on this site. It's not only depressing, it's downright idiotic that our schools are allowing students to graduate who cannot manage to write a full sentence without a misspelled word or grammatical error. I'll be damned if I allow any one of my students to pass my class if they cannot write a history essay that is up to their grade level standard. The lazy attitude of high school students is only encouraged when their teachers refuse to hold students up to high standards and let them slide by and graduate. I know several people who graduated with my class that did not have the knowledge of a typical 8th grader, let alone a graduating senior. This country's idiocy and failure is the product of is own negligent attitude towards education. Ok, I'm done ranting.



My weekend was ok, it could have been better. I feel guilty when I spend time with Mike because Mom thinks I'm abandoning her, but I wish I could have spent more time with Mike this weekend. I miss him so much when he's not around. It's just one of those you can't defend situations. I got to see my puppy and finally decided to call her Rhiannon, and spent some time with Mike's family. They're really nice, and I'm starting to feel like a part of them. Now I'm back in my dorm, and attempting to study but just kind of bored. There's not enough to do here to keep me occupied, and I'm going stir crazy. Someone entertain me, please.

I get to come home tonight, thanks to Jen being a sweetie. I miss my mom, my Mike, and my puppy. I'm seriously thinking about changing my major, I don't think I'm really cut out for education, as I hate most people. Spending the rest of my life standing in front of people and talking seems dismal. I'm getting that holding pattern feeling again. I know I'd be a good teacher, but I don't think I'd enjoy it. I just want to be home where things feel right.



EDIT: You know you have no life when you spend the afternoon in the residence hall computer lab watching Foamy cartoons.